Father’s Day?

Your father was probably the one who got you started in shooting, yet you’re trolling the bargain bins in discount stores this week, hoping to find something inexpensive that will satisfy his insatiable appetite for dust-collecting knickknacks. My father’s attic was home to two-dozen Chia pets, an uneaten five-pound gummy bear and a pet rock collection currently the subject of a U.S. Geological Survey all-points-bulletin. All were misguided gifts for the avid outdoorsman and shooter.

Help break this tragic trend by giving dad something firearm related—even if it is a little tongue in cheek—this Father’s Day. There’s still hope, and with expedited shipping we have the time to stop this vicious cycle.

I’d tell you to score some ammo, but right now that’s not even funny. Plus Dad probably has some pet loads, so let’s take a look at what’ll really make him smile on Sunday.

Does he have a handgun with an accessory rail? With this year’s cicada invasion, there’s no telling how many of the noisy buggers will bunker up for 17 more years in the petunias. There’s only one solution and it’s the cicada’s worst nightmare—LaserLyte’s Pistol Bayonet.

Do you remember the family vacation when dad had chili dogs with extra onions for lunch at Truth or Consequences, N.M., and it seemed like a scene from the 24 hours of Le Mans before you reached the Springfield, Mo., hotel? Hang a Hoppe’s Air Freshener in the old family wagon, and heal the decades-old scars.

Maybe dad has been looking a little fatigued lately. If that’s the case, pick up some Thor Global Defense Group Tactical Energy drink.

After a long day at the range, there’s no reason he should struggle when opening bottles of his favorite beverage. Get him a LaRue Tactical Beverage Entry Tool Dillo. I have three strategically staged throughout the house for emergency response and they stand upright, at attention, as if eager for their next perilous mission.

Heck, score him some zombie targets. Post your own selections in the comments section and we might just stop the vicious cycle of abandonment that has seen this celebration become a financial boon for tie, chia, shoe and rock salesmen.

Don’t misconstrue this blog post as yet another feeble attempt at humor. It’s not meant to be funny. It’s a reminder that every year, in a misguided effort to please dad, we blindly hand our hard-earned cash over to companies that may actually oppose firearm ownership, when there’s dozens of small and inexpensive items from gun companies he would love to receive on Sunday. They probably won’t produce any chuckles, but you can’t go wrong with gun oil, cleaning solution, bore brushes, mops, rods, patches and just about everything related to cleaning and maintenance. Ammo would be good, but the last time I checked the Holy Grail was still missing, too.

Whatever you do, get him something related to what he enjoys. Don’t be lazy and buy your father a dust-collecting gizmo recommended by a self-proclaimed Internet expert. Oh, wait a minute.

Happy Father’s Day! Get out there and make it a great one.