Pre-orders for Mission First Tactical’s standard-capacity replica AR-15 magazine are hot and pouring in, according to company officials. The half-inch-thick, 3-D rendering is constructed from genuine David Bradley Milk Chocolate and tips the scales at 6.5 ozs.—roughly 1,000 calories, a capacity it would take nine bananas to eclipse. At only $9.99, it’s one of the sweetest deals around this holiday season.
Our testing samples have mysteriously vanished, but in the interest of feeding our readers’ appetite for information, we’ve assembled the 10 tastiest field-use reports from various Internet experts.
“It’s good, but my discerning palette prefers a 7.62 NATO flavor.”
“In my day, real men called moldy C-rations dessert.”
“The tacky surface provided a positive purchase in a whiteout that would ground even Rudolph.”
“Feed lips melted in my mouth.”
“Phat, and there’s no ownership restrictions.”
“Finally, an explanation for TSA’s sticky fingers.”
“What? No aftermarket bumper pad?”
“Served with a sweet Riesling after dinner and accompanied by an Elvis live album—vinyl, of course—it exudes a certain panache guaranteed to tantalize your guest’s taste buds.”
“Half-baked idea that doesn’t come close to capturing the original’s metallic mil-spec flavor.”