Fear & Loading: Costumed Trickster Treated To Jail

by
posted on October 31, 2017
cemetery.jpg

Zippy the Clown pedaled his bicycle up to a home in Lac Cruces, N.M., got off, produced a gun and demanded money from a resident on Oct. 27. He’d driven to the area of the crime scene in a pickup truck, but knowing his fake wig and beard might arouse the suspicion of commuters, mounted a two-wheeler for the heist.

The victim wisely emptied his pockets of cash and was promptly zip tied. The culprit apparently carried a generous supply of the nylon restraining devices carried by our military forces in the Global War on Terror, because he used more on a homeowner’s grandson during the incident—hence the moniker, which hasn’t been officially endorsed or confirmed by New Mexico authorities.

When police were summoned, a pair of officers gave chase on foot. It didn’t last long though, because in a scene straight out of a keystone cops routine, “Another responding deputy was coming around the corner in a marked unit and reportedly hit Chavez [aka, Zippy] with his unit.” No word on damage to the vehicle.  

Zippy polished his routine’s timing in the big house, where he recently served a 30-year sentence for second degree murder and—as rumor has hit—was always first in line for Thursday night’s meatloaf surprise. At press time there was no response from Dona Ana Sheriff’s Department as to whether he was carrying a trick or treat bag. There’s also no confirmation that the bicycle had training wheels, although the culprit’s obvious lack of balance makes it likely.

Happy Halloween, and be careful out there. You never can be too careful when there’s a knock at the door, especially when the unexpected guest is behind a mask, riding a bike, wearing a wig, sporting a fake beard and carries a distinct odor of meatloaf.

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