Fear and Loading: Cartridges and Favorite NFL Teams

Is there a direct correlation between your pet rifle cartridge and the team you’ll be rooting for this year? We tried to conduct a scientific study by setting up a booth at nearby pre-season games, but officials at the Carolina Panthers growled at the request. As a result, all we can offer is our best 10 educated guesses according to what we’ve witnessed at tailgate parties. 

.22 LR—Minnesota Vikings. Minnesota nice, because it’s impolite to run a loud, heavy-thumping gun when a .22 will do.

.223 Rem.—Oakland Raiders. If Armageddon strikes, you’re going to plunder gear off the dead, bring it aboard your rig, and fight your way to some hidden and rum-filled island with a parrot in tow.

7.62x39 mm—Arizona Cardinals. Either you pray you hit the bullseye or own what some shooters claim is a “miracle gun” in the chambering, although the Vatican refuses to recognize those claims.

30-’06 Sprg.—New England Patriots. You’re red white and blue through and through, and if the marriage of this cartridge and the M1 helped us beat the Nazis in World War II, it’s good enough for you.

.300 Whisper/Blackout—Tennessee Titans. Sometimes it’s hard to know they’ve even played. 

.300 Win. Mag.—New Orleans Saints. Connecting at long distance is a breeze.  

.308 Win.—Philadelphia Eagles. It would have been more fun with Tebow, but you’re about performance, not hype.

.338 Lapua Mag.—Washington Redskins. Long shots are constantly on your mind.

.45-70 Gvt.—Dallas Cowboys. Cartridges less than 100 years old command no respect from the calf ropin’ crowd.   

 .50 BMG—Denver Broncos. Yee ha, we’re goin’ fer a ride, now let’s see if we can hang on until the 8-second buzzer.