Beware Those Bearing Shrubbery

by
posted on July 8, 2014
** When you buy products through the links on our site, we may earn a commission that supports NRA's mission to protect, preserve and defend the Second Amendment. **
gsagi2015_fs.jpg

My daughter was in a Tucson, Ariz., hospital last week, and I had overwatch duty in her room several nights. The facility is a gun-free zone, so my Wilson Combat CQB Elite that accompanied me on the long flight stayed in my good friend Bernie’s safe, miles away. Thankfully, everyone else obeyed the rule when I was there, but I learned a scary lesson in the hospital’s alcohol-free policy.

It was day five of her stay. Sometime around 11 a.m. she said it’s a shame she couldn’t have a beer to watch the United States play in the World Cup. I asked a nurse, and in hindsight, sleep deprivation makes it hard to recognize sarcasm. “Sure, bring a cooler and don’t forget the ice,” was the answer. She was kind enough to point out the family room on the third floor had a large television.

So off to the store I went with my son, scoring one small cooler, ice and gluten-free beer for my daughter. I went directly from the airport to the hospital the first night and felt bad that I didn’t bring flowers, so I scoured the produce section and secured a fresh bunch of kale. She’s a health freak and at least my shrubbery would stand out from the colorful crowd of blooms in her room.

I took one of the green-bottled brews and wrapped the kale around it, creating the ultimate World Cup hospital bouquet.  I walked right by the security desk, cooler in hand and kalski (that’s kale and brewski combined, a new term I hope to copyright) in the other. On the elevator a doctor inquired, and I explained my daughter eats healthy, that I thought this was better than flowers. A nurse gave me two new recipes and applauded my choice.

My daughter thought it was great. But, when I told the pair of volunteers in the family room we were watching the game and my daughter was having a beer, their blue hair turned red as they cited the alcohol-free policy and threatened to call security.

We retreated back to her room. Between her rigorous aspirin regimen she had part of the beer. The United States lost. The remaining beers warmed. Law-abiding citizens honor the rules. Criminals by definition do not. And if I can walk by security in an alcohol-free zone with a kalski and cooler, I’m probably going to lose sleep every time I have to visit a gun-free zone-especially if celery or watermelon is on sale.

Latest

Taurus Expedition Rifleman Review 1
Taurus Expedition Rifleman Review 1

Rifleman Review: Taurus Expedition

Taurus entered the bolt-action rifle market with its Expedition, a Remington 700-pattern design that's built to be versatile and affordable.

New For 2025: Charter Arms Pathfinder II

Charter Arms updated one of the oldest models in its lineup with the new Pathfinder II, which features a lightweight 7075 aluminum frame, making it more well-balanced and easier to carry.

Review: Kimber 2K11

The 2011-style pistol was designed to address the capacity limitations of the single-stack M1911 platform, and Kimber's approach to the concept is its 2K11, a competition-ready offering with several notable features.

Favorite Firearms: A High-Flying Hi-Standard “A-D”

Manufactured in New Haven, Conn., in late 1940, this Hi-Standard pistol was shipped as a Model “A,” but a heavier Model “D” barrel was installed later to replace the original, light barrel, leading one American Rifleman reader to call it a Model “A-D.”

Ruger Helps Families In Need Through The Kids & Clays Foundation

In the effort to help tens of thousands of critically ill children and their families across the nation through local Ronald McDonald Houses, Ruger is among some of the industry’s foremost Platinum-level sponsors of The Kids & Clays Foundation.

Unlocking The Future: Smith & Wesson's "No Lock" Revolvers

The future is shaping up to be a good one for fans of Smith & Wesson revolvers. The iconic American company had released 14 new models thus far in 2025 at the time this was written mid-year. And, with one exception, they have all shared a common feature—no internal lock.

Interests



Get the best of American Rifleman delivered to your inbox.