The Insider just placed a call to the North Pole and, after assuring Santa that he does not intend to hunt caribou anytime soon, was formerly pronounced “nice.” Accordingly, I put together the Insider’s Christmas Wish List and submitted it to Santa:

• That Colt’s new 10,000 sq./ft. facility in Florida, the first frolic by the rampant stallion ever outside of Connecticut, will be hugely successful. Colt has endured so many hardships since the end of World War II (when the Hartford factory shut its doors because of no more government orders). It would make me smile to see the iconic brand thrive once again.

• That the Dept. of Civilian Marksmanship will sell .30-’06 ammo at World War II prices.

• That industry lawyers will leave firearms alone (horrible rifle triggers, unsightly keyholes in revolvers, euphemisms like “modern rifle”). Manufacturers often don't state that a new gun model is “better” than a previous model because to do so, its corporate worry-wart says, is admitting a previous product is flawed. With that logic, car companies  would never increase horsepower, add rack-and-pinion steering, improve disk brakes, invent posi-traction and make millions of “better” cars.

• That gun manufacturers hike prices by $50 per firearm to any purchaser who is not a member of NRA, with the proceeds going to NRA. Life Members get a $20 per gun discount.

• That the four-day SHOT Show be extended one extra day and on that fifth day, be open to the public.

• That, while we’re at it, the SHOT Show never again takes place on Super Bowl weekend.

• That sound suppressors for firearms be removed from inclusion in the National Firearm Act of 1934 and be sold over-the-counter, like in England. You don’t need a license for a muffler on your lawn mower, why for your gun?

• That, for my one really big present, Obama loses the White House in the biggest landslide since Reagan stomped Dukakis.

Thank you, Santa, for that last gift,  I promise to be extra-special nice in 2012.